I feel like, for as busy as I keep myself, that there is absolutely nothing going on in my world.  Sure, my life gets touched by those around me.  But nothing's happening to me.  In a lot of ways, that's good.  That means that bad things aren't happening to me.  But in a way it's bad because that means nothing good is happening to me either.  I feel like I'm participating in my friend's lives rather than living my own life.  I'm wrapped up in what's going on for my people - you know?  Friends who are going through rough times.  Friends who are going through good times.  Friend's that are getting ready to have monumental changes thrust upon them.  I'm sharing in their fear, their pain and their happiness.  But I'm not creating my own things to spark those emotions.

Then, it struck me - for how busy I am I'm not actually doing anything.  I'm not out there in ways that things are happening for me.  I'm working.  Good.  I've got a good, steady job.  But I've got things down to such a science here that most days I show up, do what I'm supposed to do and head home.  I'm getting ready to go back to school, so I guess that's something.  But I'm ready to step into another phase of life.  I'm not sure what phase I'm particularly interested in.  There are some major accomplishments I'd like to make over the next 20 years or so:

• Graduate with an AA (almost!), a BA, a Master's and a Ph.D.
• Get married.
• Buy a house.
• Have kids.

But there are also some things that are just on my "I need to start doing this stuff again" list:

• Get active in politics.
• Write.
• Dance classes.
• Exercise.
• Tennis.

I just feel like life isn't happening for me right now.  But, what is it they say?  Life is what happens when you're sitting around waiting for your life to start.  So here I am, wasting time (probably).  But all in all, feeling pretty good about being alive.  I just can't help but think that if I got involved perhaps I might start meeting people.  (And by people I mean single guys that might be interested in me.)  But first I need to tackle the whole exercise thing.  Thanks to Jeny and Frances I'm going to have a little support doing that.  We're all going to support each other and get a group thing going.  This could really work.  If I start exercising again perhaps I could lose enough weight to make tennis enjoyable again.  If I can start playing tennis I can really lose enough weight to get rid of this "big ol' blob" feeling I've got going on.  In turn that will make me carry myself differently and more confidently.  That should facilitate the meeting the guy so I can eventually and one day get married and have kids.  See how all this stuff is interrelated?  In the mean time I just want to start participating in my life again rather than participating in the lives of those around me.  Not that I'm not having fun and not that I don't love them, but it's time for there to be something going on for me.  You know?

Friday 13

The Top 13 Things Women Want In a Man

Read the article here.

Top 13 Things Women Want in a Man

How You Can Become an Irresistible Chick Magnet

By Patti Oar, published Nov 15, 2007

You may think that women want someone who is buffed and tanned and looks like a bodybuilder model from GQ. Those things are nice and yes we like to look at those guys, but just like you don't need for us to look like Victoria Secret models we don't require it in our man. OK. The 13 most important qualities that women look for
in a man are:

1. Honesty
2. Intelligence
3. Nice Smile
4. Sense of Humor
5. Manners
6. Sensitivity
7. Sincerity
8. Gainfully employed
9. Has own place
10. Owns a car
11. Affectionate
12. Considerate
13. Thoughtful

OK. First things first. Honesty is the NUMBER ONE trait that women look for in a man. That doesn't mean to be brutally honest and tell her she looks fat. (Never do that) but we want to know that we can trust that what you are telling us is the truth. If you've lied in the past it will be a very cold day in Hell before she trusts you again. And she may want to check your phone messages and read your email and call you 10 times a day to feel secure that you're trustworthy again. You may not like that but if you lie it may be the price you have to pay.

Intelligence: Women want to feel safe and protected and we want our men to be smart. Maybe even smarter than us. Women feel that your brain is your sexiest organ. So dazzle us with your brain and you will be surprised how stimulated we become. Kick her ass at "Jeopardy" and watch what happens.

Smile: We love your smile. We can't get enough of it. It makes us want to touch you and kiss you. So brush and floss and see your dentist and keep your mouth kissably fresh.

Sense of Humor: If you can keep us laughing you are golden. We love to laugh and we love a man who can make us laugh. This goes back to the smart thing as well. You have to be smart to be humorous. We like a man who's humor challenges us. Leave that 3 Stooges stuff for the guys. Women don't appreciate 12 year old juvenile humor.

Manners: Little things like manners are very important. Women don't want their man to drive up and reach over from the driver's seat and open the passenger door or just wait for us to open the door. A little old fashioned chivalry goes a long way. Escort the lady to the car and open the door for her. We love to be treated like queens. It makes us feel like you think we're special. And hopefully you do think she's special. We love a man with manners. We know we can take him home and our parents will love him. We don't want to have to worry about what you might do or say. We want to be with a man not a boy. That means no farting, belching, toe or nose picking, spitting, or smacking your lips when you eat. We want to know we can take you in public and we won't be embarrassed. And don't forget we also like to show you off to our girlfriends and we want them to approve. You want the girlfriends to think you're a "Keeper".

Sensitive: That whole thing about being "Sensitive" and getting in touch with your "Feminine Side" are all very true. A woman is waaaay more attracted to a man who isn't afraid to show his feelings and be gentle and sensitive. We actually think that makes you more manly. A man who clams up and thinks being macho is what we want is very wrong. One of the things that is extremely attractive to a woman is when it's obvious that you are attracted to us. There is nothing hotter than seeing how much we turn you on. Don't be afraid to show that. But of course there are limits and this can easily be overdone. Be careful about showing things like that at work or you might find yourself in a sexual harassment situation. And if you decide to try to tip your hand to a woman and show your interest, remember to keep it subtle. No woman likes a STALKER or a HORNDOG! We love to know that we are getting to you, but not in an obnoxious way. You may have to make some changes in your behavior. But of course, they'll be changes for the better and you will most likely be happier for it.

Sincerity: This is a little like honesty, but what I mean is if you need to change some of your behaviors to be more attractive to women then don't just do it to get the girl. This is something that has to be real. If you think that's not you, then maybe you should think about making a change. You can decide you don't want to change, that you like yourself the way you are, but if that was working for you then you probably wouldn't be reading this article. You were drawn to this piece because you must truly want to know how to be better with women and if you sincerely do then you may need to take an honest look at yourself and decide what you want because it has to be real.

Employed: OK. This is a no-brainer, but truthfully there are some men out there without jobs that think they can get all the women they want. I have no idea what makes them think that, but their egos are on overtime. Women need security and we want a man who can provide for us. That doesn't mean we don't want to work, but it does mean that we want to know that you are a responsible MAN.

Has Own Place: OK. Matthew McConaughey was really cute in Failure to Launch but that was a comedy. Seriously we don't want to have a sleepover at your Mom's house. Having your own place just shows us again that you are a responsible adult. And it does help if your place is decorated nicely. I don't mean you have to hire a decorator, but we're not drawn to frathouse chic. Impress us with your style. Again we want MEN not BOYS!

Has Own Car: This may not be important if you live in New York or in a place where the public transportation makes owning a car unnecessary but in most of the world you need a car to pick up your date and take her out. It is important to mention here that even though we love luxury cars we don't need that in our man. Women love men with all kinds of cars, but FYI keep your car clean (especially the inside). Nothing says SLOB more than a dirty car. Take out the fast food wrappers and keep it neat and smelling nice.

Affectionate: We really do love to touch and be touched. And I am not talking sexually here. But try holding her hand when she's not expecting it or gently rubbing her back. Little touchy things like that mean a lot. Rub her arm when you're reading the paper or do little things like foot and hand massages. Women love that.

Be Considerate: We appreciate the little things like holding a door open or not walking ahead of us. If we're sleeping make sure you turn out the light when you leave. Show her you care by picking up after yourself. When you get some dessert out of the fridge ask if she'd like some or make sure you leave some for her. Just basic consideration is so important to us.

Thoughtfulness: This may sound like consideration, but it goes a little further. Being thoughtful of her needs goes a long way. Maybe give her a call from work just to see how she's doing. While we love that we don't want to be smothered with a bunch of calls all day long. Bring something home for her when you go to the store, like some fresh flowers (I know that's cliché, but that's because it works) or maybe some of her favorite ice cream...just because. This shows us that you are thinking of us and that makes us feel important and special.

Those 2 words important and special should be burned into your brain. If you can always make a woman feel important and special you will be an irresistible Chick Magnet.
 

I'm still fighting this rabid need to pick up and go somewhere or do something.  I feel like I'm stagnating.  But not really.  I'm doing good, all things considered.  Really, I am. 

I just found out that next term I'll be able to pick up another of the courses I need to graduate.  That means I'll only have to take one class in Spring semester.  Good I guess.  Yet, I'm still no closer to deciding where I want to go to school next.  I want, desperately, to move.  But I just got back on my feel after a couple of financial blows and I'm not sure I'm ready to spend the sort of money it would take to do that.  Plus, there's the job thing to consider.  Here I've got a steady and reliable job.  It pays okay.  It gets better every year.  But I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life doing this kind of work.  Hell, I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this kind of work.  My mother's on my back about getting an online degree (which is really the only way I'll be able to stick with my current life and still go to school).  But, ultimately, it's my life and my education.  Right?  But this is an opportunity for me to move on.  Expand my horizons and all of that.

If I moved I'd have a whole new set of people to break in.  To me that sounds like more of an adventure than something scary.  People as I knew them have changed.  My friendships are evolving.  But if I leave I leave my godbabies.  But can I really design my life around someone else's family?  No.  I can't.  That's why they make pictures, email, telephones, cars and airplanes.  Right?  Plus, the ex that I spent so many years letting fuck with my head lives here in this town.  And, for some reason, that man is irresitable to me.  Right now I'm over it.  Actually, more over it than I ever was before when I thought I was over it.  I'm smarter now.  But I'm afraid if I hang around long enough I'll get back to my old trick and so will he.  Of course, perhaps it's time to give myself the benefit of the doubt on this whole "growing" thing.

This town reminds me so much of my life when I was really and truely happy.  What life was like when all of my family was here, when dad was alive, when I was young enough not to have all this responsibility, what life was like before I made the mistakes I made.  Moving on would get me out of that black hole.  Whatever it is that keeps me here and draws me back - those ties could be severed.

I could go somewhere where I could let a better class of guys fuck with my head.  This town hasn't offered much in the way of dating.  I live in a rural area.  It's all rodeos and farms and cowboys.  Women who look like me - women who act like me - don't have a whole lot of choices.  I've branched out as of late.  Experiencing people from other cities.  And, truthfully, the fact that those didn't work out has little to nothing to do with where I'm from and much more to do with who I am.  That's something that will go with me wherever I go.

So, why not go?  Aside from the fact that finacially moving would not be a great idea right now.  But a year from now?  Well, 10 months or so?  Maybe by then it would be viable.  But where to go?  Guess that largely depends on school.  Or, I could go whereever the hell I wanted and deal with school once I got there.  But if I'm going to embrace this whole idea of "the world is my oyster" perhaps I should apply everywhere of interest and see where I get in.  Hmm.  That might be a fantastic idea.

What question do you hate being asked?

Currently, "What happened to __________?"  Blank being one of a couple of people.  And also ,"Do you think there's any chance it'll go back to normal?"

1. I'm not people's keeper.  Sometimes people get a wild hair and disappear.  I do not have the answers.
2. Sometimes, and I know you'll find this a shocker, people choose not to be a part of my life anymore.  Deal with it.  I have to.
3. What's normal?
4. People come in and out of our lives - often their capacity changes.  That's okay.  It's dealing with that that is sometimes not so easy.  But we can either watch people go away or we can adapt.  Which sounds like the better way to keep good people around you?

1. My to-do list here at work today is miles long and my stacks of paperwork are sky high.  I knew this morning, even if I worked balls to the wall all day, that I'd be here until dark thirty.  But I'm having trouble finding motivation.  No one else is here and working.  The rest of the staff has gone home for the day.  I'm wishing for a Friday of leisure.
2. I've got a lot on my plate this weekend.  Tomorrow I get to go watch my 3 year old godson play basketball with 20 other 3 year olds and I'm very excited about that. 
   

   He has two balloons!

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   I can't wait to take pictures of him in his cute little jersey.  After that it's off to Orlando so I can pick up my dress for Tamera's wedding and Frances can (hopefully) find shoes she likes for her own wedding.  I also need to buy shoes because my old silver ones from my sister's wedding are just damned uncomfortable. 
3. Sunday is a long work day.  I'm taking a long lunch in the middle of the day to make an appearance at an 8 year old's birthday party.  Which reminds me that I have to buy a present.  What do you buy for an 8 year old who likes everything?  I guess Hannah Montana is pretty big for that set.
4. I'm having dating issues.  Why is it so hard to find a guy that interests me that's also interested in me?  And not in the "you're great, let's be friends" way they always seem to be interested in.  It's probably mostly my fault for being so damn picky.  But the truth is, if I'm going to spend any amount of time with a guy he'd better be intellectually engaging.  If the only thing we can talk about is cars and guns and hunting and how quickly he can shotgun a beer then we're going to have problems.  I'm a kick ass friend.  And I make a kick ass wingman for guys.  I guess it's no wonder that when I meet a guy I like it's easy to be relegated to "friend" status while they search for the next great thing.   Ah well.  What is it I'm supposed to say?  It's their loss?  Lol, guess so.
5. I want to engage in a little retail therapy.  Trouble is, there's nothing much that I want to buy.  For the most part, if I want something, I go out and get it.  But it's now close enough to my birthday that I'm forbidden from buying anything.  Despite the fact that I loudly chant "no gifts!" my wonderful friends do special things for me.  I wish I could convince them that they don't need to spend hard earned money on me.  That's why I always through a huge 4th of July party.  That way I get to spend some time around the people who mean the most to me and they don't associate it with my birthday.
6. I'm sick and fucking tired of being perpetually single.  Maybe this would have been better suited as a part of thought # 4.  It's not so much that I'm aching to be married or engaged or even in a relationship it's that I'd like to have a viable prospect.  For once I'd like to be the one saying, "You know, I'm just really not that in to this."  How come it's usually them saying that to me instead of the other way around?  Maybe because I don't bother trying unless I'm already mostly sure I'm interested in someone anyway.
7. I'm still having trouble deciding on a school to do my next degree at.  There are only a couple of cities in Florida I'd be interested in moving to to continue my education.  Luckily both of those cities have branches of the company I already work for so a transfer would be an option.  But I'm looking at a couple of online degree programs from reputable schools.  That's always and option.  But I'm also thinking that I don't want to stay in this city town much longer.
8. I miss my horse.  I sold her a little over a year ago because I couldn't afford to keep her if I moved off the farm.  Plus, I needed the money to move into the apartment.  I'm really sad that I sold her.  But there's not much I can do about that now. 
   

   Me and Percy , October of '01

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9. All in all I had a really great week.  I got to spend some time with a good friend.  I got a looming problem solved.  Those are good things.  I've gotten a lot of work done this week.  Really, all things considered, I made a productive use of my time this week.  Plus, I've got being busy and surrounded by my people to look forward to for, oh, the next several weeks.  It's practically wedding time people!
10. Ugh.  I should get back to work.

I love my neighbor.  He's an incredibly nice guy and we made friends practically as soon as I moved in.  I've been in a strange place this weekend.  Well, last week and this weekend.  I've been sort of adrift - and that's not all bad.  My friends are busy - they've got their own things going on, but I've been feeling largely alone for a while now.  One of my closest friends is sort of AWOL and absolutely refuses to answer messages and emails.  I could have used her this weekend - but it is what it is, you know? 

So I'm feeling a little displaced and I walk out to my porch and my neighbor's outside too and we just talk - for a few minutes - and suddenly I don't feel so isolated.

I have these expectations of people.  I expect time investment to mean something - probably because it does to me.  I'm learning that people respond differently to connection.  I've lost some connection to people that I've had.  I've been unable to make several connections I've been trying to make.  The lesson I've learned this week/weekend is that people need the space they need to process.  I've decided that being unsure of what you want is just as valid as knowing what you want.  I've learned that just because you want to know the hows and whys behind what people are thinking and feeling, if they don't know they can't possibly decide just to appease you.

So, I've decided to give my people time.  What I need from people can't be delivered until they've decided whether or not they're prepared to give it.  And just because I need something, because I've had a bad day or a bad week or a bad month or whatever doesn't mean that the people who are happy around me are equiped to be there when I need them to be.  And, I guess that's okay.

All things in their own time.  I've put some pressure - without really meaning to - on someone I've come to like and respect.  That person's not ready to define what they want.  That's okay.  I just have to figure out how to articulate that to that person.  I'm not in a hurry.  Somehow I gave myself and this other person the impression that I was.  It's easy to get lost in my head.  Space to breathe is a valuable commodity and I did a bad thing by putting pressure on that space.  I hope I can salvage something I think I broke.  It's worth it.  Whatever comes of it.   

Okay, I have some problems with another relationship article.  I really think I should stop reading them.  Here's my biggest problem with them: they imply that men are all the same and pretty one-dimensional.  I'll admit that perhaps men aren't great with the emotions and perhaps even they don't feel things the same way we do but culture has taught us how to react to situations, right?  Still, not all men are sports-watching, beer guzzling, don't-read, can't-have-a-conversation lumps of flesh that a lot of the articles make them out to be.

This particular article has to do with the 5 types of dates guys will not want to go on.  And it's pretty emphatic that men period will not want to go on these dates.  Evidently the writer (a man) has forgotten that there are exceptions to every rule.

Date #1 - Hiking.  Evidently men don't want to go hiking because there are only so many flowers one can smell and only so many sunsets one can watch.  Also, there's not sports television or Internet access.  Here are a couple of things I have learned: 1) Wifi is in almost everything!  Nearly everyone has some way to access the Internet remotely and many of us from our cell phones.  In the event that something cataclysmic happens and he needs access to the Internet I'm betting that can happen; 2) There are quite a few men that given the choice to go outside and hike around and see the sites or sit at home and rehash the same old conversations or watch television would much rather be hiking.  And, not all men are married to the boob tube. 

Date #2 - Opera.  Okay, I'll halfway give the author this one.  But, there are some men who enjoy the opera.  And there are some men who, while they may not particularly love the opera, are willing to sit through it politely because they like the woman who asked them to go.  Not all men are Neanderthals who don't know how to behave in public.

Date #3 - Travel.  This one isn't so much laid out as a date as it is a complaint that women on dating sites all say they like to travel.  The article states that men don't like to travel because their work piles up while they're away and their boss discovers that the office (or whatever) can run smoothly without them.  Okay, did this writer suddenly forget that most women work now too?  Our work piles up when we're away also, but that doesn't mean we don't like to see places and expand our horizons.  Oh, also it's expensive.  My guess is if you've been dating someone long enough to travel with the you've likely worked out the fine kinks of finance.  Neither one of you are likely footing the whole bill for this excursion.

Date #4 - Clothes Shopping.  Who on earth is this man dating?  Do women really take men on dates where they're forced to hold purses and wait while the ladies shop?  Give me a break.  I've been around for a little while now and I've never heard a girl tell me that she found this great new guy and for their first date she's taking him to the mall so he can watch her try on clothes.  Yeah.  Mhmm.  Actually, I can't think of any time, new dating or old relationship where I heard of that referred to as a date.  Do we sometimes force our men to go shopping with us?  Trust us guys - as rarely as humanly possible.

Date #5 - Relationship Workshops.  You know, based on this guy's article I wouldn't be at all surprised if his girlfriends had repeatedly drug him to relationship workshops.  But, be that as it may, I can agree that maybe this isn't the most fun date, but how many women color it up like that?  "Okay honey, get in the car.  I've got a great date planned for us tonight.  A relationship workshop!" 

Well now I'm sufficiently peeved for the day.  I hate the implication that men and women are incapable of relating to each other.  Stuff like this feeds stereotypes that just aren't broadly true once you enter into your mid-twenties.  Well, and if you live outside L.A.

So, I was reading this article earlier and I know I've read several like it over the years and finally it just got to me: is this really the whole concept of relationships?  I have lots of problems with this particular document, The Husband's Bill of Rights, but I've got problems with the other side too - so here goes.

Amendment I - We have the right to go out with our friends at least once a month.  Of course you do.  Is this really a problem?  Is there a group of women out there holding their men hostage and forbidding them from seeing their friends?  If there is, women, free your men, please.  Look at it this way, if you do, you've got a night to watch that Lifetime movie you've been eyeing and he's been bitching about.

Amendment II - We reserve the right to dislike your friends' husbands.  Again, of course you do.  Ladies, do you honestly think you can force him to like people?  And guys - if you feel like your woman is forcing you to like someone, grow a damn set already and realize that she has no control over that aspect of your personality.  Do you have to like the dick that her best friend is married to?  No.  But if he's not abusive to said best friend or your SO, you do have to play nice.  Chances are we don't like him much either and will be happy to talk shit about him with you when we get home.

Amendment III - We have the right to have a few things of ours in the house.  Okay girls, it's like this - there are a bunch of men out there who have the decorating sense of a frat boy.  Relegating his neon Miller sign to the garage is okay.  His vintage vinyl collection?  No.  The collector comic books?  No.  The weight bench?  Okay, maybe.  But the fact of the matter remains that when you cohabitate with a guy the space is his too.  And all that shit he has that you don't like is a part of him and you like him, right?  Be unapologetic about that fact that your guy is a bit of a jock or nerd or geek and let your friends and family see it.  It's going to come out sooner or later anyway.  Besides, wouldn't it better to save that buying power for an issue that's going to matter a hell of a lot more than whether or not he's insisting that the vintage light saber (in the original packaging) takes up residence in the corner of the office?

Amendment IV - We have the right not to be scolded by you.  Um, yes, yes in fact you do.  I don't have much to say on this subject aside from: ladies - come on.  You'll get a lot further with a guy by the dealing with the stupid little shit that doesn't matter than you will by nagging him about it.  And if it really bothers you that he's tracking sand on to the carpet you just vacuumed point him in the direction of the vacuum, tell him you just finished, say please and smile at him.  You'll be surprised what that can get you.  Plus - they already know how to use that particular appliance (assuming he had to live alone before he lived with you).

Amendment V - We have the right to teach our sons how to burp and fart.  I'm struck by this one for two reasons.  First and foremost, I've spent quite a bit of time around grown men and to be honest with you have only run into a handful that were honestly really amused by the whole burping and farting in mixed company thing.  So I'm not all together certain that this is a real issue.  However, if it truly is and there's a brigade of men out there that really wants to teach their sons about the virtues of burping and farting I sort of figure that it's something men (and boys) are going to do anyway and this should fall, once again, into the pick your battles category.

Amendment VI - We have the right to teach our children how to defend themselves.  Does this really need to be a rule?  I mean isn't it sort of a given that it's the dad's job to teach their kids how to defend themselves?  And the article goes so far as to point out that it's not just about fighting.  Ladies, we insist on teach kids - boys too - how to cook so when we send them off to college they can at least make ramen.  Is it really that bad that our husbands teach our kids how to throw a punch?  It might come in handy one day when the roommates are down to the last pack of ramen.

Amendment VII - We have the right to as much reading material in the bathroom as we want.  Okay, well, um, sort of.  We, as women, have a right to a resonably clean home if we want it.  Leave a magazine or two on the back of the toilet.  Put a book on the vanity.  But there comes a point when you're going to be asked to use the magazine rack we've kindly put in there for you.  Do it.  It'll make your life so much easier.  And you'll appreciate the tidy house too.

Amendment VIII - We have the right to watch the big game.  Just so long as you understand I've got the right to watch the big game too.  And also that Lifetime movie (even if it's not your guy's night out).  Will I preempt the big game for my lifetime movie that's going to repeat three times a day for the next four months?  No .  And again, I'm likely to be watching the big game too.  This rule bothers me only because it's archaic.  A lot of women are pretty interested in sports.  But it's not just about the sports.  There are a lot of guys out there that couldn't give a rat's ass about Football or Hockey or whatever - if his deal is the Enterprise marathon on SciFi, let it go.  We're all allowed to have our irrational loves.

Amendment IX - We have the right to the remote when we're on the couch.  Um, really?  Again, archaic.  It's television, not the nuclear lauch sequence codes.  And guys, we can totally handle it.  No we don't have to watch a show for five minutes to decide whether or not it's something we want to watch.  And, chances are, if we've been with you for any length of time we already know what you will and won't watch.  It's likely we have a second TV in the house if I just have to watch the Cosby Show reunion.  I suggest you use it.

Amendment X - We have the right to still use chivalry.  Is there really a group of women out there who are offended when a man opens the door for them.  You know, I'm all for feminism but my word, it's a door.  And, you didn't have to open it.  Not because he thought you couldn't but because his mama taught him that it was the polite thing to do.  Be polite back, walk through the door, smile and say thank you.  

Now, the Wife's Bill of Rights.

Amendment I - We have the right to dislike your budies.  We do.  It's true.  And if we're good women we're not bitching about guys night out.  Have them over to the house for poker - but not on Grey's Anatomy night unless I can hole up with a TV in the bedroom.  And for goodness sake, pick up after them.  Oh, and no smoking in the living room please.  But I won't bitch about the garage.  The point is if, you're hanging with friends that I don't like - unless it's a social event where my presence is required - I'm going to leave you to it.  Luckily they're your friends and not mine.  And if for some reason my presence is required I'll play nice just like you had to with my friend's husband.  And, no I won't bitch about your friends to you later over things that don't really matter.  Ladies - adopting a similar attitude will do you much good.

Amendment II - We have the right to experience PMS in all its glory.  Really?  It's likely that our men knew our PMSing habits before they married us (or cohabitated with us) but just because it's hormonal doesn't give us the right to be a complete bitch or become a crying mess for several days.  No, we can't help it.  But we can contain it (at least marginally) or apologize for it when it's over.  And yes, a little help from you guys is always nice.  Be glad you only have to experience this phenomenon second hand and do the things we ask you for.  Much like our smile and asking nicely can get a lot out of you, helping us through PMS in whatever way works for us will get you a whole lot later.

Amendment III - We have the right to demand you finish a household job.  I'm complaining about this one because, is it really a problem?  Do guys leave household chores half-fished any more often than women do?  Most of women of modern times are not paragons of house-wifery.  It's probably true that we don't necessarily fold the laundry right out of the dryer or unload the dishwasher immidiately.  If we're going to share the house, we're going to share the chores (most especially if we're both working).  Let's come up with a system that works.  And girls, if he's never, ever going to fold the clothes out of the dryer and that's a deal breaker for you -  trade him.  Let him wash clothes - you dry and put away.  In return he does that other chore you hate.  Like dusting the light fixtures.  He can probably reach them better anyway.

Amendment IV- We have a right to an honest answer to "What's wrong?"  In return we promise to answer honestly when you ask "What did I do?"  Come on girls, it's only fair.  And it's just pissy to pull the "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."

Amendment V - We have the right to keep our secrets.  It stands to reason that the same way you don't want your friends to know you flinch like a baby when I put drops in your eyes, I may not want my friends to know that the beautiful hair color they're always complimenting me on is Loreal No. 4.  Okay?

Amendment VI - We have the right to clean air.  This amendment is specifically refering to noxious gasses.  And, it's true.  Sometimes you're just going to have to do what you have to do but if we're over 15 it's not funny to pass gas in bed and then put the covers over our heads.  Plus, it's not sexy and if you want to get laid you won't do that.  Ever.

Amendment VII - We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products.  Okay, well, this is just true.  It's likely you like the way we look.  And it's likely we use those products to acheive that goal.  But we promise to start keeping them out of your shaving way when we cohabitate.

Amendment VIII - We have the right to speak to our girlfriend's everyday.  Is there really a gaggle of guys out there who are bitching because their girls are talking to other people?  Guys, it's a well known fact that you think we talk to you too much.  If you'd like to avoid some of that there will be no bitching when we're on the phone with our lady friends.  In return we won't sit on the couch and gab all the way through The Colbert Report.

Amendment IX - We have the right to flirt.  We used our sexuality to get you.  We get that, we totally do.  We'll also use our sexuality to get you that kickin' deal on the big screen.  But we'll listen if you tell us we went to far with that bartender the other night.  And we won't flirt with your friends.

Amendment X - We have the right to foreplay.  I object to this one because he does too and it didn't even make his list.  Show me a guy who's not just as jazzed about getting a blow job as he is about getting sex and then we'll talk.