2 posts tagged “family”

I'm still fighting this rabid need to pick up and go somewhere or do something.  I feel like I'm stagnating.  But not really.  I'm doing good, all things considered.  Really, I am. 

I just found out that next term I'll be able to pick up another of the courses I need to graduate.  That means I'll only have to take one class in Spring semester.  Good I guess.  Yet, I'm still no closer to deciding where I want to go to school next.  I want, desperately, to move.  But I just got back on my feel after a couple of financial blows and I'm not sure I'm ready to spend the sort of money it would take to do that.  Plus, there's the job thing to consider.  Here I've got a steady and reliable job.  It pays okay.  It gets better every year.  But I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life doing this kind of work.  Hell, I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this kind of work.  My mother's on my back about getting an online degree (which is really the only way I'll be able to stick with my current life and still go to school).  But, ultimately, it's my life and my education.  Right?  But this is an opportunity for me to move on.  Expand my horizons and all of that.

If I moved I'd have a whole new set of people to break in.  To me that sounds like more of an adventure than something scary.  People as I knew them have changed.  My friendships are evolving.  But if I leave I leave my godbabies.  But can I really design my life around someone else's family?  No.  I can't.  That's why they make pictures, email, telephones, cars and airplanes.  Right?  Plus, the ex that I spent so many years letting fuck with my head lives here in this town.  And, for some reason, that man is irresitable to me.  Right now I'm over it.  Actually, more over it than I ever was before when I thought I was over it.  I'm smarter now.  But I'm afraid if I hang around long enough I'll get back to my old trick and so will he.  Of course, perhaps it's time to give myself the benefit of the doubt on this whole "growing" thing.

This town reminds me so much of my life when I was really and truely happy.  What life was like when all of my family was here, when dad was alive, when I was young enough not to have all this responsibility, what life was like before I made the mistakes I made.  Moving on would get me out of that black hole.  Whatever it is that keeps me here and draws me back - those ties could be severed.

I could go somewhere where I could let a better class of guys fuck with my head.  This town hasn't offered much in the way of dating.  I live in a rural area.  It's all rodeos and farms and cowboys.  Women who look like me - women who act like me - don't have a whole lot of choices.  I've branched out as of late.  Experiencing people from other cities.  And, truthfully, the fact that those didn't work out has little to nothing to do with where I'm from and much more to do with who I am.  That's something that will go with me wherever I go.

So, why not go?  Aside from the fact that finacially moving would not be a great idea right now.  But a year from now?  Well, 10 months or so?  Maybe by then it would be viable.  But where to go?  Guess that largely depends on school.  Or, I could go whereever the hell I wanted and deal with school once I got there.  But if I'm going to embrace this whole idea of "the world is my oyster" perhaps I should apply everywhere of interest and see where I get in.  Hmm.  That might be a fantastic idea.

Mute

When I did a search on my flickr page for "great" this is the only pic that came up so I figured I'd share it.

Me as a baby

In the upper left hand corner you've got me and dad.  He was pretty great.  Upper right hand is my dad again with one of the horses at OBS.  The bottom left hand corner is my grandmother (dad's mom) with me and my cousin (I'm the younger one).  She was an amazing woman, born in 1905, and she went through a lot of stuff - pretty great, I think.  The bottom right hand picture is four generations of the Chamberlain women - though none of us carry that name.  That's me, my mom, her mom, and her mom's mom, my Great-Grandmother.

Man O' War

I've included this picture of Man O' War because he was my favorite of the racing giants (and since someone already brought of Secretariat).  He won 20 of 21 starts and was retired in 1921 with career earnings of $249,465.00.  Legend has it that when a spectator saw him in action he asked the groom, "Who's he by?" to which the groom replied, "He's by hisself and there ain't nobody gonna get near him".

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